Perception: One Ring to Rule Them All

One of the biggest challenges our species faces is our ability to get along with others. When we first begin to like someone it is because of what we find interesting about them. It’s not much but enough to make us want to know more about them. We see the big picture and it looks good. Troubles begin when we find out the details. It’s not as simple as being good or bad. They need not have several flaws as it might be one simple flaw that you just cannot accept.

They look good from afar but far from good looking.

Just as we evaluate someone, we too are being evaluated. There are those who pretend to be someone they are not. There are those who know who they are and don’t care how others perceive them. For the most part, I fall into the latter category. I say for the most part because I do not want to be perceived as a coward or a hypocrite. Those two qualities are at the top of my list of worst human frailties. I would find it troublesome if someone perceived me as either. We all care about what other people think of us to varying degrees.

This realization began to bother me. If others have a negative impression about me should I change? I consider myself an honest and decent person, why should I change because other people do not see who I really am? If I decide to change it’s because I want to better myself as a human being and not because I want others to have a better perception of me.

I volunteer my time to a local organization in San Francisco. One of my fellow volunteers asked me to get involved in another cause. I politely declined stating my reasons. This was unacceptable to him and word spread that I’m an uncaring sort and a hypocrite. Just before our last meeting, I saw my antagonist enter the office as I was standing across the street.

I texted him, “I don’t appreciate the lies you’re spreading. Please retract it all.”
His text back was, “No, what are you going to do about it?”
My response, “Step outside so we can discuss this privately.”

SFPD is called. Great.

Luckily the head of the volunteer program vouched for me and the booted my antagonist out of the organization. I could have avoided this by letting it go but I didn’t want people to perceive me as a hypocrite. This is something about me that I am currently unwilling to change.

Currently unwilling…

Each time I reflect on who I am I ask myself, “Who am I really?” I look back at my life and try to think like I did as a child when life was much simpler. I try to describe myself without classifications or labels. What is the best thing I’ve ever done without expectation of a reward? What’s the worst thing I’ve done out of fear or greed?


But willing to change…

As life progresses we change. We react to our environment; what we learn from others or through direct experience. We struggle to get ahead in life and ask ourselves, “What am I doing that is sabotaging my goal to become a better human being?”

The reasons are endless but I’ve developed a general plan on how to better myself. It came from Lord of the Rings; I believe it was my third read during the time I was studying psychology. One phrase kept popping into my head: One ring to rule them all.

Epiphany.

I believe there are only 4 perceptions of an individual:

* How you perceive yourself.
* How you think others perceive you.
* How others perceive you.
* How you want to be perceived.

Each perception is a ring. The fifth ring is the real you. Each perception holds a truth about you but perception is subjective and therein lies the rub. The OBJECTIVE is to make all the rings the same. I have complete control over how I perceive myself but getting the other 3 perceptions to align is difficult if not impossible. The only way we can change what others think about us is by observing feedback. Sadly, feedback often comes back to us as lies or is too ambiguous for us to interpret. Even our closest friends may lie to us because they’re afraid to hurt our feelings. It is this reason why I prefer to be honest with people who I have a relationship with. It doesn’t always work but at least I can weed out the people who I perceive is not worth my time.